I stare at the blank document and imagine myself stepping into an examination room. The doctor will see you now.—What seems to be the problem, Chach?

I don’t know what to do, I say.

Have you tried doing nothing? 

I can’t do nothing! I say. Which is a strange confession considering I feel like I spend most days doing exactly that. If I do nothing, then nothing will get done, and I can’t have that. 

How do you know nothing will get done? 

At first, the answer seems obvious. Doing something is the only way to get results. But I am here to heal, so I take a deep breath and acknowledge my actions. The results are all wrong.—The more TV I watch, the more detached from reality I feel. The more X I scroll, the more threatened I feel. The more cookies I bake, the more sluggish I feel.—Is nothing worse than this?

When I do nothing, I cannot escape reality. I am safe. I am alert. 

So, you feel better now? 

No, I don’t feel better! No longer consuming, now I am the one being consumed. The anxiety is acute and opaque. I cannot see through this fog of fear. Help me, Dr. Document! Save me from myself. 

Ah, anxiety. I thought that might be the problem. You did the right thing by showing up today. Have you considered that when you are watching the Housewives, streaming on demand, you are neglecting that you have a Self to save?

Brutal honesty. That’s just what the doctor ordered. 

I cannot save myself if I do not know who I am. And I cannot know who I am if I do not meet myself where I’m at.—I am here, I say. But I cannot see myself. The anxiety is too thick. 

I AM HERE! I say with conviction, destabilizing the anxiety—Are you sure? My anxiety asks, unaware that this line of questioning is her undoing. 

Yes, I am confident. I am here, and I know it. What I don’t know is where I’m going and who I will become. Hypothetical futures infest my imagination. 

What’s going to happen to me? Tell me the truth, Doc. I can handle it.   

I am not a crystal ball, Dr. Document inserts with a sense of authority that anxiety could never. Listen, Cha Cha, I’m going to tell you what I tell all my patients: Patience. 

That’s it? I say, instantly dissatisfied. 

That’s it! Dr. Doc replies, as if it were nothing at all.