I’ve been working on the Cha Cha Beat all afternoon. Today I was excited to finish what I started yesterday.—An About section with a short bio of Cha Cha and a picture of her smirking. Mona Lisa-esque, if you will.
Maybe this is the first step in my progress toward actually putting myself “out there”.—I’m still writing into the void. I yearn for people to read my writing.
But I have issues. I’m scared of social media because girls were mean to me in my twenties—Not on social media. IRL (in real life). But that’s another story.
Social media made me feel like I had entered into an unsolicited competition—How many friends do you have? How many Likes did you get?
When those girls stopped talking to me IRL, we were still friends on Facebook. Their pictures appeared on my newsfeed (by now the three of them lived together, roommates and best friends in New York City). Also living in New York, I felt like my posts were in competition with theirs, and that they were winning. Obviously, they were having more fun. They were together! Whatever I was documenting seemed too trivial to share.
I stopped sharing. And I felt better. So I stayed off social media.
Over the years, my mindset has shifted. Today, I no longer believe that what I am doing is too trivial to share. Instead, I think that I don’t want or need the approval of social media to justify my life.
You could say, I’m living in the moment. But I do wish I took more pictures. I miss cameras. Maybe I should get a digital camera!—Of course, this leads to me spending money.
Anyway, maybe it’s a humility or imposter thing? Everyone thinks they are so important. From the great meals they eat, to the exotic trips they take, to personal plugs for upcoming shows and workshops. No one has any trouble talking about themselves on social media.
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Since starting the Cha Cha Beat, I’ve realized that my aversion to social media is causing Cha Cha to suffer. It isn’t her fault that I am so scared. Her voice deserves to be heard.
Don’t worry, Cha Cha! I won’t give up on you. Just give me time. Today we took a big step! That’s your picture next to those words. Own them, girl. I’m so proud of you.
And to show Cha Cha that I love her, I’m spending my afternoon here. Building the Beat.
If you build it, they will come.
James Earl Jones, Field of Dreams
