Cha Cha on the Rocks with a Miraculous Twist

Feb 27, 2023 | Blog Beat, CCRx*

I’m getting in my head. I’m scared I’m not going to be able to keep this up. That I don’t actually have anything worth saying. That I’ll never crack the code or flick the switch. 

I’m scared I’m kidding myself. I’m scared I should have let this thing go already. I can’t let it go. 

glittery asterisk to mark a break in the piece.

At twenty-nine, I moved to California and immediately got to work on my illusive memoir, Let Me Out I’m Stuck, including a next-to-perfect Table of Contents.

Three years later, my book was a black hole. I realized the project would never be finished. Maybe that’s the real reason I stopped working on it. 

All this time I thought I stopped working on my life’s work because I met a boy. Justin, my first boyfriend ever, swept me off my feet when I was thirty-one. 

Yes, Justin was a distraction. But I didn’t stop because of him. I stopped because what I was doing wasn’t working. (Perhaps if I hadn’t met Justin, I would have resolved the issue sooner. But that’s unlikely. If I weren’t distracted by love, I’d be by dating, which is definitely more exhausting.) 

The truth is, it got hard. Writing is hard. So I stopped writing. Then I went crazy. For about seven years.

glittery asterisk to mark a break in the piece.

This is my art. My expression of self. I am here because, over the past seven years, I have learned that when I don’t write, I go crazy. It’s as simple as that. Not writing is the root cause of my existential spiral.

glittery asterisk to mark a break in the piece.

I feel like Jesus walking on water. Each step another beat, keeping me afloat. A miracle. 

Is it a miracle? Or is it simply the result of showing up for the past two months? I wrote 1,500 words every day. And not just when I felt like writing. 

Usually, “I feel like writing” when I realize that I am talking to myself out loud and enjoying the conversation. I should be writing this down! By the time I find a pen or open my laptop, the spark is gone. Then, I don’t feel like writing anymore. 

But if I take the time to sit here, and write 1,500 words, regardless of their quality or content, I am creating the opportunity for progress. That is not a miracle.  

And yet, it is always miraculous when I read back what I have shared, and it saves me.

Keep calm and cha cha on.

We’re in this together.  

Originally from the east coast, Cha Cha lives in southern California with her fiance (he’s a plumber) and their bob-tailed cat, Copper Soup.

As a woman, Cha Cha spends her time writing, reading (though not as much as she wishes she did), watching Project Runway (way more than she wished she did—especially since the show ended in 2019), trying to exercise for at least 20 minutes a day (otherwise, she won’t leave the house because she works from home), learning how to manage her money, and talking to herself out loud.

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