“Are you calling me fat?”
Instinctively and unanimously, you and your three friends turn toward the next table, where my friend and I are sitting. All four of you make eye contact with the man, silently scolding his audacity. How dare he call his female friend fat. You’ve heard all you need to know. This guy is a jerk. Women unite! Let’s stare down this creep.
The woman who made the accusation is now laughing as she sips her Bloody Mary.
I am that woman. I see the fury in your eyes and I think, why are you listening to my conversation!? And, if you were listening, and you DID hear something you didn’t like, mind your own business. Unless I am choking, or yelling specifically for someone to help me, keep your eyes, ears and opinions to your own table. (Of course there is an exception: if you or one of your friends were to calmly say something like, “Excuse me. I couldn’t help but overhear that joke you made about him calling you fat. That was funny. We need more sarcasm around here!” Then by all means, eavesdrop away!)
Ladies, it was obviously a joke. As soon as you turned around (which you should really learn to do more discreetly if you’re going to keep up this eavesdropping act), you should have evaluated the situation and dropped your arsenal of disapproving stares.
When you turned around, you should have realized, first of all, I am not fat. Second, I am not upset. I’ve got a big, proud smile on my face as I plop a ketchup-dipped sweet potato fry into my mouth. My friend was just annoying me with one of his routine rants. I needed something to shock him out of the redundancy. I can’t even remember what he was talking about. Whatever it was, he stopped talking about it the second I spoke up. Mission accomplished.
Initial shock of the statement wearing off, my friend laughed along with me. “Fuck you” he said. He knows he just lost a battle in our ongoing war of wits.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? That I’m saying something for the fun of shocking people and at the same time am critical of those women for not only eavesdropping in the first place, but then outwardly expressing their disapproval in the second.
Let me explain.
I don’t know these women. We have no personal connection, except for the fact that we are all women. To them, I guess this was enough. My outrage was their outrage. My pain was their pain.
But I wasn’t outraged or in pain. It was a joke! Dear nosely women everywhere, stop being so sensitive!
Or, if you must be sensitive (as women sometimes must), please don’t get your sensitivity all over me. Next time, do the right thing: Poke your girlfriend next to you and ask if she heard what I just said. She will answer, “Oh yea. Can you believe that? What a jerk.”
I will hear you. Because I am eavesdropping on your reactions to my shocking remark. But I won’t interrupt your meal with unsolicited opinions. Besides, I’m too busy laughing at my joke. You shoulda seen the look on my friend’s face! Haha classic.